Show us a sign

Yesterday evening I sat on the stoep listening to far away thunder and watched Theo skin his kill; a guinea fowl. Yip, he’d actually managed to shoot one with a pellet gun. He stunned it with the first shot, a couple more pots and finally killed it with a coup de grace head shot. Now he was a real man. All he needed to do was to eat the things heart while it still pumped and bury something under a tree or something to that effect but we settled for a whiskey.

Later that night the thunderstorm rolled nearer, drowning out the bloody rats scuttling around in the thatch roof. We’d been feeding them ratex, but I must admit I would have preferred leaving them a note saying “please vacate outside, we’ve moved in here now”. Instead, they chose a slow death and ignored the rat trap the size of a shoe box. I would have felt bad if they were cute little field mice with cute little whiskers but their droppings were not cute, they were as big as a duikers, and I didn’t fancy them gnawing at my toes after snacking in the kitchen cupboards.

I thought about the Cumulonimbus clouds hovering above. Yawn. I thought about the iced particles grinding against each other with such force that static electricity was formed. Too technical. It was just plain awesome watching the whole bloody show from my bed. The room and everywhere outside lit up as lightening streaked across the whole sky, followed by the loudest, rolling, crashing thunder I’ve ever heard in my whole life. Spectacular!

My knee is improving. Today I hobbled for the first time. I’ve been scooting around on a typist chair but it’s very limiting and I can’t go outside. I’m trying to make friends with the 2 forlorn looking horses visiting me on the stoep but Jethro just walked by and said “those things they must not come here because they kak hierso”.

I’m about finished my book. Really makes you think about our land and its Folk. Charlie, if you’re reading my blog you simply have to get a copy of James Mitchener’s, The Covenant. It puts many things in perspective about our parents who learnt from their forefathers. It seems that the Old Testament was written just for them, well and those Jews who crossed the desert in earlier times. The Bible (not the New Testament which was not relevant to them) guided them in every decision from handling their slaves to claiming the land. Thought provoking book.

Talking about weird beliefs, how’s this for bullshit. Kavin, (who recons we wasted our money doing the course cos he could teach us everything we need to know) told us that leopards have 365 spots and on a leap year they get an extra one. Whahaha don’t fall off your chair. Imagine leopards waking up on the morning of 29 February, males stretch, lick their balls and go WTF?! when they see an extra spot which appeared overnight on their goonies. Or, after a night of passion, the female goes oh my god you’ve left a fat hicky in my neck WTF it looks like a new spot. Or perhaps a cub goes up to his mother and says “mom am I still me, what’s this funny new spot under my armpit?” mother replies “no dear, that’s just a birthmark” but when her teenage daughter saunters up, shaking her arse, mother freaks out “what’s going on with your arse? I told you no tattoo’s while you’re under my care. Now bugger off out of here you slut. And so a generation of confused youngsters took their place in Africa. All leopards know the law which has been passed down from their fathers. And from their fathers fathers. And from their fathers fathers fathers. And it was passed on that all leopards need fear nothing, except Lions having a bad day and those two legged white animals who carry a fire shooting stick and can be identified by their strange hat. Let it be known that only when faced by these animals may any leopard run and hide in a cave. And let no leopard be struck down by lighting unless he or she breaks the golden rule, known to all, a leopard cannot change its spots! And so it came to pass.

Oh well. I’m off to supper. That guinea fowl’s been cooking for 4 hours and Theo says it’s ready.

CRASH BOOM BANG (Crocodile Dundee se moer)

I spend a lot of time sitting on the stoep with binocs peacefully watching life around me. In fact the best times are early morning which means I get up at 6 or 7 hard to believe but true. The other day, just before sunset, I heard a loud, continuous strange barking coming from the bush so I crept across the lawn to investigate. I got the fright of my life when I came face to face with a rooikat (caracal) behind the rondaval. He’d been stalking Impala who were barking their warning at him.

Today I sat on the stoep with my binocs and got my entertainment for the day watching Theo leopard crawl over a sandbank behind the putting green in his PT shorts armed with a pellet gun trying to pot a guinea fowl. He was unsuccessful but I got a laugh.

Seems I’ll be spending a lot of time on a pool lounger on the stoep since I can’t friggin walk. I’m so mad. We took the bikes for a ride around the farm to explore the place. We haven’t ridden for a good few months so I was careful at first, but after an hour or so started relaxing and enjoying myself. Heavy concentration picking your way over rocks, crevices, dongas, sand and gravelly bits. And then of course naturally there are all the thorn trees so you have to dodge the branches which could rip your eye out while keeping your other eye on the road for broken thorn branches which could poke a hole right through your tyre and your boot. I was nervous going down to the dams cos on top of all the above, you have to keep a look out for crocodiles lying in the grass waiting to ambush you. Anyway I was going along fine, thinking about how I could get the insurance to pay for a new bike since mine was still not going so lekker. An idea was forming about how I could say that I fell in the dam and a crocodile snapped my bike in half when I remembered that the insurance was only on the bus and not the bikes and wack, that’s when I hit the deck. I twisted my knee (yes, the one which is already a mess) and pulled every possible ligament. I had to ride back while my knee swelled to the size of a very painful soccer ball. I’ve been keeping it elevated and iced for 2 days now and it’s slowly improving although I can’t walk and I’m mad as hell. Oh well, at least I’ve got more time to blog and read an old book I picked up which I’m enjoying - James Mitchener, The Covenant. It’s all about SA history and quite appropriate right now.

We’re starting to have our doubts about this place, some funny things have come to light and I might very well need both legs to make a fast dash in the middle of the night but I’ll blog about that next time. Right now I need to change the frozen chicken and milk sachet on my knee and try and get some sleep – which isn’t easy with my leg up in the air listening to the dam rat in the kitchen at 2 in the morning.