Ek’s ‘n Dapper Dapper Muis, Kyk Hoe Stap ek Deur Die Huis
Two nights ago I woke up again with a jolt. Sometimes I get woken up by Theo when he turns over (which he does every 15 minutes or so) causing the bed to vibrate as if the devil himself is trying to shake me from my pleasant slumber. It’s no fun being woken up expecting a faceless hooded figure clutching a sickle to be standing at your bedside. You see our beds are 2 singles which we’ve pushed together but the wooden framework is a bit rickety so every time Theo shifts his body, my side of the bed rocks violently. Anyway, this time it was different. My eyes flew wide open and I lifted my head slightly off my pillow as my ears stood to attention, listening. The noise I heard sounded like an overgrown Tomcat chewing his way through a packet of brandy snaps next to the food cupboard. What the…?!? We didn’t own a tomcat or have any brandy snaps. Did we? A few days ago Theo had successfully caught a mouse in a trap and since the mouse had probably gone to mouse heaven where he would have been issued with a miniature neck brace, we thought our problem was sorted. The noisy scratching in the middle of the night had stopped and it was only the bed tremor jolts which occasionally woke me up again from my dreams and nightmares. Or so I thought. I didn’t fancy dealing with a wild animal with vampire fangs who had finished crunching his way through 20 kg’s of dry raw macaroni and was now ready for some flesh. I lay there for a while, but eventually managed to drift back to my very vivid dreamland. Theo slept through my near death experience since when I turn over at night I don’t create an avalanche with each move.
The next morning I didn’t see any traces of a monster or an Indian hiding in the cupboard, so I soon forgot about my horrible experience. Lo and behold, the next night I nearly fell out of bed as Theo sat bolt upright and yanked me from my peaceful place to a state of disorientation which I’m quite familiar with. Once the bed stopped swaying and I got my bearings, I realised what was happening. The monster from hell was back. This time my ears told me that the gnarly creature with a mouthful of teeth the size of bricks had squeezed his scaly body into a giant Shoprite packet and was devouring a giant sized packet of Nick Nacks. In the dark, my dumb eyes offered nothing to contradict this thought and I wasn’t about to argue with myself. I do that too often during the day as it is. Theo bravely jumped out of bed, but with great difficulty I must add. You see, besides the fact that our wooden beds are rickety, we also have 2 mattresses on each base. The thin mattresses are weird because when you lie down for a while your body leaves its imprint in the centre while the rest of the mattress sticks up in the air around you so you sort of have to climb up over the sides to get out of bed. Also, a few days ago, we hung our mosquito net from the roof above our love nest and it drapes around our bed, keeping the mozzies out but it makes it difficult clambering from your sunken hollow and then you still have to fight your way through meters of netting draped all around the bed. Mind you I wouldn’t want to trade the hassle of groping around trying to reach the bunkie next to the bed to put my book and glasses down before I drift off at night purely cos I get a kick out of going wela-kapela to the mozzies as they relentlessly buzz 6 inches from my ear but on the outside of our safe dome while I listen safely from the inside for a few hours some nights. We wedge the water bottle between the beds as it’s easier than trying to reach a glass through the net at 3 o clock in the morning although I wonder if would work well as a water purifier.
Anyway, once Theo eventually emerged from the boudoir arena, he bravely ran the gauntlet naked and barefoot across the rondavel floor without encountering any venomous spiders in his pathway. He was armed only with a whip and a panga to fight off the one eyed Cyclops who was by now chewing his way through the fridge door. The power was off once again, so my gladiator husband gripped the torch between his teeth and hoped to either blind the Cyclops or attack him the second he blinked his big puss oozing eye. The crunching noise abruptly stopped. Not a sound was heard as Theo stood poised, ready to strike. Eventually after 15 minutes of nothing happening I got bored and fell asleep.
This morning Theo announced that we had another mouse in the house but that during the night he had chased it out the door and this morning he hammered a plank to the bottom of the door covering the tiny gap where previously anything shorter than a half a centimetre could pass underneath.
Oh well, now I must help Theo to grease the legs of the bokkies which hold up our makeshift kitchen table. We have ants which seem to find their way into everything, even the dam butter and I’m getting tired of spreading the stray ones onto my sandwich and waiting for them to run off before I can take a bite. Theo reckons the ants won’t be able to cross the greasy bottoms of the table legs but we’ll see what antics they are capable of tomorrow.
Two nights ago I woke up again with a jolt. Sometimes I get woken up by Theo when he turns over (which he does every 15 minutes or so) causing the bed to vibrate as if the devil himself is trying to shake me from my pleasant slumber. It’s no fun being woken up expecting a faceless hooded figure clutching a sickle to be standing at your bedside. You see our beds are 2 singles which we’ve pushed together but the wooden framework is a bit rickety so every time Theo shifts his body, my side of the bed rocks violently. Anyway, this time it was different. My eyes flew wide open and I lifted my head slightly off my pillow as my ears stood to attention, listening. The noise I heard sounded like an overgrown Tomcat chewing his way through a packet of brandy snaps next to the food cupboard. What the…?!? We didn’t own a tomcat or have any brandy snaps. Did we? A few days ago Theo had successfully caught a mouse in a trap and since the mouse had probably gone to mouse heaven where he would have been issued with a miniature neck brace, we thought our problem was sorted. The noisy scratching in the middle of the night had stopped and it was only the bed tremor jolts which occasionally woke me up again from my dreams and nightmares. Or so I thought. I didn’t fancy dealing with a wild animal with vampire fangs who had finished crunching his way through 20 kg’s of dry raw macaroni and was now ready for some flesh. I lay there for a while, but eventually managed to drift back to my very vivid dreamland. Theo slept through my near death experience since when I turn over at night I don’t create an avalanche with each move.
The next morning I didn’t see any traces of a monster or an Indian hiding in the cupboard, so I soon forgot about my horrible experience. Lo and behold, the next night I nearly fell out of bed as Theo sat bolt upright and yanked me from my peaceful place to a state of disorientation which I’m quite familiar with. Once the bed stopped swaying and I got my bearings, I realised what was happening. The monster from hell was back. This time my ears told me that the gnarly creature with a mouthful of teeth the size of bricks had squeezed his scaly body into a giant Shoprite packet and was devouring a giant sized packet of Nick Nacks. In the dark, my dumb eyes offered nothing to contradict this thought and I wasn’t about to argue with myself. I do that too often during the day as it is. Theo bravely jumped out of bed, but with great difficulty I must add. You see, besides the fact that our wooden beds are rickety, we also have 2 mattresses on each base. The thin mattresses are weird because when you lie down for a while your body leaves its imprint in the centre while the rest of the mattress sticks up in the air around you so you sort of have to climb up over the sides to get out of bed. Also, a few days ago, we hung our mosquito net from the roof above our love nest and it drapes around our bed, keeping the mozzies out but it makes it difficult clambering from your sunken hollow and then you still have to fight your way through meters of netting draped all around the bed. Mind you I wouldn’t want to trade the hassle of groping around trying to reach the bunkie next to the bed to put my book and glasses down before I drift off at night purely cos I get a kick out of going wela-kapela to the mozzies as they relentlessly buzz 6 inches from my ear but on the outside of our safe dome while I listen safely from the inside for a few hours some nights. We wedge the water bottle between the beds as it’s easier than trying to reach a glass through the net at 3 o clock in the morning although I wonder if would work well as a water purifier.
Anyway, once Theo eventually emerged from the boudoir arena, he bravely ran the gauntlet naked and barefoot across the rondavel floor without encountering any venomous spiders in his pathway. He was armed only with a whip and a panga to fight off the one eyed Cyclops who was by now chewing his way through the fridge door. The power was off once again, so my gladiator husband gripped the torch between his teeth and hoped to either blind the Cyclops or attack him the second he blinked his big puss oozing eye. The crunching noise abruptly stopped. Not a sound was heard as Theo stood poised, ready to strike. Eventually after 15 minutes of nothing happening I got bored and fell asleep.
This morning Theo announced that we had another mouse in the house but that during the night he had chased it out the door and this morning he hammered a plank to the bottom of the door covering the tiny gap where previously anything shorter than a half a centimetre could pass underneath.
Oh well, now I must help Theo to grease the legs of the bokkies which hold up our makeshift kitchen table. We have ants which seem to find their way into everything, even the dam butter and I’m getting tired of spreading the stray ones onto my sandwich and waiting for them to run off before I can take a bite. Theo reckons the ants won’t be able to cross the greasy bottoms of the table legs but we’ll see what antics they are capable of tomorrow.
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