BUSH BUS

So I think our camper bus needs a name. My mom said that my dad used to call us the Flintstones. I can’t imagine why – I don’s see the link even if my mom does – anyway we considered using it as we will be getting back to our roots. I prefer the name Bush Bus since we will be spending a lot of time travelling through the veld going nowhere slowly. Getting a bum rash from our Baz Bus. Say that fast after a tequila. It’s not really a bus though, nor is it a regular camper. Maybe we’ll just call it the van. So long as it gets us there. There being wherever we’re going. We probably do need some kind of direction. We want to stop off at a few friends around the country and from there explore Mozambique and then end up on back in the bush.

Actually I have done loads of investigating and in the beginning my idea was to work at game lodges doing something involving nature. I never knew exactly what but I wasn’t too worried and visions of me walking around with a chimp on my hip sounded fantastic. Theo had visions of himself shooting the odd rabbit or guinea fowl with his pellet gun and cooking it in some unusual way out in the veld, possibly with a pigeon up the bum; the guinea fowls not his. I’m not sure if he was hoping to bump into a bushman soon after the kill to pluck or skin the thing for him although he’s not sqeemish and has gutted and skinned a small buck in our backyard once when his folks accidently knocked it down, killing it. That important lesson in life was if the intestines are damaged the meat will taste like shit. Literally.

Anyway so all my research came up with some feasible options. I found a cool link called www.woofing.co.za. (World Organization of Organic Farming). They are much bigger overseas but there are some in SA as well. They are organic farmers who take on volunteers offering them a room and meals in exchange for free manual labour for a minimum period of 2 weeks at a time. There was one particular one which caught my fancy. A piggery taking volunteers to help make smoked bacon etc. Theo would be in his element to be able to churn out km’s of chorizo sausage and see how other people process pork. I’d be able to work on getting a flat stomach shoveling pigshit for free board and lodging. How cool is that. Another farm which caught my fancy was the dairy. Free opportunity for Theo to make all kinds of smelly cheeses and I could fondle cows udders and shovel more shit. I worked in a cow shed on a Kibbutz 20 years ago and loved it. Getting cow shit splattered in my hair won’t faze me.

Working at game lodges would probably be easier if we have some kind of formal training so I scanned the internet until I found something to get us started. I’ve printed loads of online info about safari tour guides, eco guides, front office and game ranger training courses and am sucking up every bit of info I can and loving it. We are also going on a first aid course which will help for employment in that line as well as being useful for us on the road. Theo will get his code 10 and PDP, necessary to drive the van and also necessary as a game guide.

Theo might be able to supply farm stalls with his booze making, sausage making, atchars and pickles or he might be too busy leopard crawling through the grass to shoot a dassie for supper. Me, I might be in the background practicing to kickstart my dam bike and developing thunder thighs to match my wash board stomach from all the shit shoveling.

Can’t wait to find out what lies ahead.