Medicate, Vegetate and Inebriate

I’ve been having all my nuts and bolts examined while I’m still on medical aid since time is running out before Theo resigns from his job. It’s the last chance to get moesies and poesies sorted so I even considered having a hysterectomy but the advice I got from friends ranged from “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” while another warned me my bladder could drop out and would spend the rest of its remaining days swinging from a hammock suspended below my voluptuous eggs. I didn’t fancy sporting a manly moustache which another warned me would manifest itself on my upper lip so I ended up having the screws removed from my funny knee instead. It sounded less risky and I looked forward to a few days of genuine sick leave without feeling guilty.


I had visions of blogging every day and sleeping late and I was off the hook from participating in my mother’s line dancing sessions. Unfortunately it also meant no more biking for awhile, although I was apprehensive about that dam kickstart.

I spent the first few days at home vegetating on the couch, staring at the TV and waiting for the next 6 hrs to pass so that I could pop another 2 painkillers. The 2nd part of my sick leave was spent eating all the Xmas fruit mince pies which my mom and I had made. I also had a bash at tanning my cellulite outside in the back garden. Trips to the physio were about as much exercise as I got and the few kg’s which I had previously lost, reappeared around my waistline. It was time to revert back to my mothers meals of grated carrot salad, steamed broccoli and a slice of skinless chicken and avoid double helpings of Theo’s potjiekos, or snacking on sticky chicken wings or sampling his yummy olive biscuits. Luckily I’d polished off all the tempting fruit mince pies.

I ended my sick leave with a good ol biker party and attended the Skeleton Crew 1st year birthday bash. I haven’t been to a bike get-together for ages so it was really great seeing old friends and since the drinks were buy one get one free, well, do the maths. The music was good and it wasn’t long before I found myself head banging and forgot all about my puffy knee. Unfortunately head banging requires you to be steady on both feet so I fell over but I broke my fall on my friends face, careful to keep my knee out of harms way.

She went home with a blue eye and I spent my last sick leave day back on the couch nursing my kidneys. And the lesson learnt – sun tanning with bandages will result in zebra stripes.