Medicate, Vegetate and Inebriate

I’ve been having all my nuts and bolts examined while I’m still on medical aid since time is running out before Theo resigns from his job. It’s the last chance to get moesies and poesies sorted so I even considered having a hysterectomy but the advice I got from friends ranged from “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” while another warned me my bladder could drop out and would spend the rest of its remaining days swinging from a hammock suspended below my voluptuous eggs. I didn’t fancy sporting a manly moustache which another warned me would manifest itself on my upper lip so I ended up having the screws removed from my funny knee instead. It sounded less risky and I looked forward to a few days of genuine sick leave without feeling guilty.


I had visions of blogging every day and sleeping late and I was off the hook from participating in my mother’s line dancing sessions. Unfortunately it also meant no more biking for awhile, although I was apprehensive about that dam kickstart.

I spent the first few days at home vegetating on the couch, staring at the TV and waiting for the next 6 hrs to pass so that I could pop another 2 painkillers. The 2nd part of my sick leave was spent eating all the Xmas fruit mince pies which my mom and I had made. I also had a bash at tanning my cellulite outside in the back garden. Trips to the physio were about as much exercise as I got and the few kg’s which I had previously lost, reappeared around my waistline. It was time to revert back to my mothers meals of grated carrot salad, steamed broccoli and a slice of skinless chicken and avoid double helpings of Theo’s potjiekos, or snacking on sticky chicken wings or sampling his yummy olive biscuits. Luckily I’d polished off all the tempting fruit mince pies.

I ended my sick leave with a good ol biker party and attended the Skeleton Crew 1st year birthday bash. I haven’t been to a bike get-together for ages so it was really great seeing old friends and since the drinks were buy one get one free, well, do the maths. The music was good and it wasn’t long before I found myself head banging and forgot all about my puffy knee. Unfortunately head banging requires you to be steady on both feet so I fell over but I broke my fall on my friends face, careful to keep my knee out of harms way.

She went home with a blue eye and I spent my last sick leave day back on the couch nursing my kidneys. And the lesson learnt – sun tanning with bandages will result in zebra stripes.

My First Off Road Experience

We’ll I’ve had my bike a month already and only taken it for a quick spin – no offroading. Finally a free weekend rolled around so we packed the tent and sleeping bags and planned to follow the railway line along the service road and see where we ended up. We took the tar road until Joostenberg Vlakte and then onto gravel. My first impression was not great. The road was sandy and my bike seemed to have a mind of its own. This was supposed to be fun and I wasn’t having any. My mirrors had loosened themselves from all the vibrations and the one even fell off. The road changed after a couple of km’s and I started relaxing and then it was back on tar again before we turned onto the service road at Hermon. I was kak scared when the road became a grass track and you couldn’t see the condition of the so called road and at one stage the prickly tall weeds were flapping around me at waist height. I was really grateful for my brand new offroad boots, my birthday present from Theo, which scored him big brownie points.

My bike started easily enough the day I bought it but for some reason I sukkeled to kickstart it from there onwards. I wasn’t opening the throttle enough so it cut out every now and then on pullaways and poor Theo had to kickstart mine, then his and his leg was taking the punch. At some point he signaled for me to stop so he could take a photo of me riding through a difficult section. Yeah right. The only thoughts I had were to keep moving, stay upright, try not to say oh sh!t too loudly and convince myself I was having fun. We stopped under a tree for a rest and I pulled a weed out of my bum, rearranged body parts, had a stiff drink for my nerves and decided that this was fun, only just though. The scary factor was high up there. Theo suspected that there was a drift up ahead and warned me that I better not cut out in the water otherwise I’d have a problem. I followed his lead, gave power, crossed through successfully but came out too fast and my back tyre slipped and slid all over the place and I nearly lost it. Luckily the bike cut out 2 inches before I hit a fence and I started doubting the fun factor again. I entertained a cow while I huffed and puffed and tried to maneuver my bike backwards into a better position for me to climb on again and try and kick the thing into life. Theo rescued me and to my relief he soon turned off and we hit the tar again. Riding on tar roads soon got boring traveling at 100 km’s. We came over the Nuwekloof pass into Tulbagh and Theo decided to explore the original old tar road along the gorge. It was fun but unfortunately we came to a section with locked gates and had to turn around. We headed for the forests in Tulbagh (which sadly hardly exist anymore) and the gravel roads up in the mountains had my adrenalin rushing to the limits. We rode up and down hectic gravel roads and when we stopped for a break I was exhilarated yet kak bang and panting. It was hard work turning my bike around in the dirt, until I realized it’s possible to just ride over small bushes. I had to keep pushing my remaining left mirror away from my shoulder to get my clutch lever back into a clutchable position and not point skywards. There was lots of vibrating I tell you and not the kind I was used to.

We took the back dirt road through to Wolsely and back along the tar. We arrived at the Tulbagh caravan park, pitched our tent and I flopped down grinning and exhausted. I didn’t care that my hair was stuck to my dusty face. There was no mistaking the fun factor anymore. A few drinks later, still buzzing, I praised myself and relived each and every scary bit.

The next day we chilled around our campsite and took a slow ride back home alternating between boring tar and straight easy gravel roads. Our bodies were sore and I was glad I didn’t have to deal with any serious stuff other than kickstarting my bike. I’d been managing occasionally to start it and felt sorry for Theo’s right bum each time he limped over to get mine going.

I’m sure I’ll miss my road bike and the buzz of racing along, pushing yourself to the limit through a sweep but my introduction to offroading scored a big adrenalin rush and I can’t wait for more.